God Responds to Faith

October 12th, 2014 my official proposal!!!!

WOW....Nine months ago, I posted my last blog.

Nine months ago, I returned from my three month mission in Europe. I was getting back accustomed to America and the "American Dream" when God told me He was preparing me for another journey.

Nine months ago, God told me He was preparing me to be a WIFE.

....... Yet, I had no prospects.

Like any average 24 year old Christian woman, serving the Lord, I naturally wanted to be married. Allowing that to secretly become my focus for almost a year, I began to journal about my desires for a husband, and pray almost daily that the Lord reveal who my spouse was to me. Even while in Europe, I was overcome with the desire to learn all I could and spend as much time as I could with the Lord in hopes that He would reveal my husband along the way. At the time I had a brother in Christ who, although did not display any interest in being my husband, carried a lot of the characteristics I believed I wanted/needed in a spouse.

So I battled my thoughts all day long, often becoming distracted while God was using me to minister to others in another land. I craved to hear the testimonials of all of my leaders at the churches I attended in Spain and Croatia. Gaining as much information I could so I could figure out some "formula" I had come up with in my head that would lead to me getting a ring. I would day dream about how I would meet my husband, where I would meet him, if I already knew him, or if he would drop out of the sky. It wasn't until everything I dreamed about seemed to be crashing, and the one man I believed had the potential to be it, rejected me.

While in Europe, God had to deal with my heart. A LOT. All of my past hurts and pains, all of my character issues, and scars from my past, everything had to go. But there was something I didn't want to let go of. My "options". For some reason I felt as long as I had someone around as an option, I would be fine. And if whoever God had for me came about, I would calmly walk away from my "option" and into the hands of my Boaz. (Refer to the book of Ruth in the bible, old testament) But of course, God doesn't do things the way we feel he should do things. You see, God doesn't always do what will make you happy, and hurt you less. He does what He knows will cause you to bear the most fruit, pruning you, and chopping off the branches that lack fruit, a painful, yet rewarding process. All to HIS GLORY, not yours.

God told me I had to let go of my "option". It took me about a month to process it. I tried to work my way around it, I tried to alter it with the mindset of, "We will just be friends and I'll make sure I stop feeling anything for him" but none of that worked, and my lack of immediate obedience, caused me to get hurt. Feeling rejected, I still tried to hold on and salvage whatever friendship we had left, until one day, I woke up, and realized, this "Option" was blocking my blessing. Thus came the most difficult conversation to have, on December 26th, 2013, having to tell my best guy friend, who I secretly hoped was my future husband, that I had to let him go, to get through whatever tests God had for me, and get my reward..... my husband.

January 1st, 2014, I had a new year's resolution. It wasn't my typical "Get in shape" goal, or "Make more money" goal like it had been years into my past and pre-salvation days. This time it was given to me specifically from my creator, and it was that I would be a wife. My season of preparation, which I had named "Operation Me" had began.

After my surprise proposal!

Now, a lot of people ask me how God told me he was preparing me to be a wife, and I would love to be able to point to a scripture, or even give this elaborate story of how a complete stranger prophesied over me, but none of that happened.  I just simply knew it. It was on my heart, and I began to journal about it, but this time it was different from all the other times I logged my desires in my journal. This time I had confirmation. Confirmation after confirmation. Back to back proof that God was truly preparing me to be a wife, starting, as comically, as me catching the bouquet at my cousin's wedding.

Since that day, I made it a point to prepare myself physically. I knew God was working on my inside, so I decided to work on my outside. My bad habits, and my laziness. My consistency with getting my hair and nails done, and my eating habits. Now I know all of these things seem carnal, but we are all human, and I knew that my husband would want to actually enjoy looking at his wife. So I began to prepare. In the bible, sometimes it took the woman an entire year to prepare for her husband, bathing herself it oils, and exfoliating her skin, making herself presentable to her king, and I did my best to imitate that mindset.

Down the line of me preparing, I thought God was leading me to a young adult in my church. I prayed heavenly about it because I wasn't attracted to him physically, but I kept finding myself wondering about him. This bogged my mind for about a month, but nothing was adding up. I went to my mentor and we would discuss it and she would tell me she thought it was strange that if it was God I wasn't attracted to the man he was presenting to me. So I prayed even more, having never spoken to him about anything (Mainly because I didn't want to be THAT christian woman, who swears up and down God told her that was her husband) So I kept to myself and kept praying. I prayed for God to remove it so much, I became frustrated. Then one day, I saw he had a girlfriend. A sense of relief came over me as well as a sort of sadness that I could not explain, possibly because I allowed myself to get semi side tracked for nothing. But there is a lesson in all things, and with that I learned discretion.

Towards the end of may, a friend I've known for about 4 years now, named Kevin, contacted me, and we decided to spend our Memorial Day together with a trip to San Diego. After confirming the date, I was fearful that I was walking into a trap. Not wanting to be distracted, or distract him, I contemplated canceling at the last minute. However, the more I prayed about going, the more God put on my heart to go.

Kevin and I in San Diego

While in San Diego, and after some long, edifying conversations about Christ, I felt this could be leading to something. But of course I was still cautious. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. I called my closes friends and asked them to pray, and I even wrote a letter to Kevin asking him to pray. I didn't give it to him, until, God one day, told me to. After pouring my heart to him via text, we decided to be in prayer for God to reveal whether or not we were to be married.

Sounds pretty crazy right!!! Go on one date and then reach out and tell the guy you went on a date with to pray if he is your husband.... I've done crazier things.

My two beautiful cousin's celebrating my engagement

Well, after we prayed. God started to confirm. Sending sign after sign that we were to be married. Having never kissed and never really dated, to technically becoming engaged. To everyone on the outside looking in, we seemed to be two kids rushing into something. But we had all the confirmation and validation we needed. We had the green light from God. We set a date, and now, nine months after posting my last post, I am engaged to be married November 22nd 2014. I am excited, nervous, anxious, and peaceful all at the same time. Since our first date in May until now, Kevin and I have been through what seems like an accelerated course of a relationship. From frustrations, to financial issues, to losing support, we have managed to grow to love each other on a deeper level.

Completely unaware I was about to be proposed to!

Doing our best to remain obedient and faithful to God, all while being human and struggling with lust and being anxious to just be together, God has remained faithful through all of it. And as we are nearing our wedding date, I wanted to write not only out of obedience, but a genuine desire to encourage someone. Not everyone knows what it is God has told you to do. Not everyone will understand. People will doubt you, question you, and even try to make you doubt yourself. But one thing I have learned throughout this engagement, is that obedience is truly better than sacrifice.

This is the best/hardest time of my life. I have never felt such a combination of emotions and this is only the beginning. It should not have taken me nine months to continue with my blogging, because so much has happened and my pathetic brain can only remember so much detail. But I do know this. When God speaks, listen to him. When He tells you to move, move. The more you question Him and doubt, the more time you waste. God responds to faith. He told me I would be married and I believed Him. Now I am 24 days until one of the biggest days of my life, and it is all because God is faithful, and I decided to put my trust in a faithful God. I pray this blessed someone,

God bless.

Completely in love with God's best for me!